Looking after No 1
When you are a parent of an autistic child, you experience a whole degree of emotions - from depression, despair and tears to euphoria and laughter.
A simple thing like your child’s first word, or eye-contact can lift you for the whole day, whilst a meltdown in a supermarket or a prolonged stimming episode, will bring you down as far as you go.
During this period, the most important person in your child’s recovery…..is YOU!
You know that despite all you are facing, you need to be focused and healthy. Most Mums and Dads will go a day without thinking of their own needs – they’ll forget to eat or grab a quick break. Unfortunately, all this builds up and soon, you’ll be feeling well under par. So a little bit of advice…
Somehow, take those breaks and don’t feel guilty! Drink plenty of water. Take vitamins to keep your energy high. Keeping yourself in the right frame of mind depends on your doing these very simple things. If you are not on top of the game, all the time….your child may suffer because you forget to do things out of sheer exhaustion.
Any therapy you decide to implement for your child will require discipline and timing – so you need to stay emotionally strong. Especially if you opt for therapies like the GF/CF diet (gluten and casein free) – and/or managing a home program.
So, looking after number one is so important if you are to do your best for your child. It’s so easy to say – “I’ll do this when my little boy/girl has learned to”….”has gone to nursery”….”has gone to school” – and then another reason steps in, and meanwhile, you’re on a downward curve without even realising it.
There will be days when you feel so tired that you just can’t keep going….it happens to us all especially if you have a child that is hyperactive or exceptionally challenging. This is where you need to remind yourself of what you are doing. RECOVERING your child. Helping them to catch up and acquire vital skills.
Try to take each day as it comes….if yesterday was bad, try not to make this your frame of mind for the day you are having. We all project into the future when we’re having a bad day and imagine the worst – even when we don’t have a child with autism. Remember – if you coped yesterday, you can get through today.
From day 1 there will be ups and downs. Two steps forward, three back, three forward, one back…and onwards. The goal is progressive development over a lengthy period. There is no miracle wake up cure - It takes time and hard work. Often, our children learn slowly and this is so difficult to handle, especially if there’s a child in the family who is neurotypical. You will inevitably make comparisons. Be prepared for this.....fight on - the results are worth it and will begin to strengthen your resolve. As your child acquires skills, you will build confidence and will be able to have a wonderful relationship with your child as their personality comes out and they connect with you and the world.
The whole journey is about balancing a very finely tuned process that is your child’s mind and body. Many parents say it takes months before seeing noticeable benefits. More often than not you will see improvements quite quickly upon introducing a new therapy. Sometimes you will see a worsening effect. And to complicate matters, sometimes you will see a worsening effect before an upturn. A good example of this is when for instance cutting dairy products from your child’s diet (should you wish to pursue dietary intervention) there will be a few days of ‘die-off’ - where the opiates generated by peptides leaking from the gut are cut from the food intake and a ‘cold-turkey’ effect is witnessed, as your child's body adjusts.
In the behavioural/cognitive therapy process, don’t bite off more than you can chew – start with a small number of targets so you don’t become overwhelmed.